You might think cats are lazy animals who lie around the house all day and don’t contribute to society, but you would be wrong about that, my friend. Cats are actually very useful and productive animals who can hold down jobs better than most humans I know.
Okay, my cat is very lazy, and mostly it’s his job to rub his face against my computer charger until it stops working, but the cats in this article are actually good workers.
A Librarian Cat
This is Lionel. He works in a library making sure that all of the books are properly stacked and put away. Does he have thumbs? No. Can he lift a book onto a high shelf? Not exactly.
He can sit on a high shelf and look at the books, though. Or he can just sit on the books to warm them up for future readers. His job is very important.
A Professional Gardener
Gardening can be really hard work. Sometimes you just have to take a little catnap after all of that strenuous digging and seed placing. This is Mellie. She is a professional gardener. She gets paid for her work in head scratches and pieces of kibble.
Mostly she flattens down the soil by lying on it and making sure that everything is in tip top shape. Her job is essential to ecosystems everywhere.
Ok, This One Is A Real Job
This is Wren. He is a therapy cat. Basically, it’s his job to go to places like nursing homes, college campuses, elementary schools, and homeless shelters to make everybody feel a little bit more calm and comfortable.
He’s wearing a snazzy blue harness and he’s ready to work. Working for him is basically just getting pet a lot, which he loves. Also, I guess he gives out candy, and everyone loves candy.
The Stockroom Kitty
This is Melody. She works in the stockroom at a grocery store. By “works in the stockroom” I mean she sits on snacks sometimes. Her job is really important, though. If she doesn’t sit on those snacks, nobody is going to sit on them for her.
If you’ve ever bought a snack from a grocery store, you can rest assured that a cat has probably sat on that snack at some point.
Lionel The Science Guy
Oh, look who’s back again. It’s Lionel, and this time, he seems to have switched careers. After he quit his job as a library cat, Lionel went into the sciences. He got his PhD, and now he works as a lab assistant at a very prestigious university.
I’m not going to tell you which university, but I will tell you that it rhymes with Barvard. Yeah, he’s a big deal.
A Model Cat
This is Chudleigh and he is a real-life cat model. He can walk a catwalk like it’s nobody’s business, but his real specialty is photo shoots. Look at that fierce face. That’s a smize if I ever saw one. Tyra Banks would be so proud.
It’s hard work being a model, but Chudleigh’s got the posing thing down pat. The human isn’t so bad looking either. I guess they’re both good at what they do.
Office Manager Cat
This is Thomas and he’s a pretty strict office manager. You don’t want Thomas to catch you playing around on Facebook when you’re supposed to be printing those invoices. Thomas makes sure everyone is working to their highest potential.
Sometimes, at the Christmas party, he lets loose and he’ll have a few treats, but usually, he’s all business. Look at those eyes. He is always watching everything that’s going on.
Oh Captain My Captain
This is Luna. She is the captain of a ship. She drives the ship and makes sure that everyone on board is doing what they’re supposed to be doing. If this ship looks like it’s about to crash into another ship, that’s because cats aren’t very good at driving ships.
I wonder which cat is driving the other boat. Maybe it’s Luna’s enemy. She looks mad. I wouldn’t want to cross a hairless cat ship captain.
This Cat Is A Master Builder
This is betty. She’s really great at building things. Look at the way she’s expertly placing that wooden plank up there on the ceiling. You’d think she’s had years of training, but in reality, Betty is a cat. She’s never been to any kind of school, let alone done a carpentry apprenticeship.
She’s just naturally good at this stuff. That ceiling looks amazing. You keep doing you, Betty. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.
A Landscaping Kitty
This is Petra and her assistant, Miss Mabel. Both of these cats have made lawn cutting their business. They may not know how to operate a lawn mower, but they know how to sit on a lawn mower both when it’s running and when it’s off.
That takes some serious know-how. Petra has her business vest on and she’s ready to do some landscaping. Nobody cuts grass like these two. When all else fails, they’ll just eat the grass.
A Special Office Cat
This is Andre. He is an office cat. He’s not sure exactly what he’s supposed to be doing in the office, but he’s wearing a tie so he looks like he fits in. It’s a very lovely yellow tie with flowers on it and Andre is very proud of it.
Andre has decided that his job is mostly to spread office cheer and eat little bits of food that other people leave lying around.
The Receptionist Kitty
This is Delta. She is a receptionist. She works hard everyday to make sure that everyone is arriving to their appointments on time. She keeps the books organized (by sitting on them) and she greets people as they walk in the front door.
Sometimes Delta plays solitaire on the computer when nobody’s looking, but she’s pretty sure that every receptionist does that so it’s totally fine. Sometimes she takes breaks to groom herself.
Andre Is Back At It Again
Andre’s not sure if he’s cut out for office life. He longs to roam around in the great outdoors. He misses the fresh air and the smell of rodents just waiting to be chased. He’s already caught all of the mice in the office. There’s nothing left for him here.
Maybe Andre will go on to bigger and better things. For know, he’s just holding it together until 5:00. Aren’t we all, Andre. Aren’t we all.
This Cat Owns A Comic Store
You know the comic store guy from The Simpsons? Well, this is the cat version of him. This is Wilbur. He’s a total nerd and he knows everything there is to know about Spiderman. He’s read pretty much every comic in this place and by read, I mean sat on.
He makes sure the shop is organized and running smoothly. He’s an essential part of this whole operation. It’s a big job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
Every Shop Needs A Cat
This is Ozzy. He’s a shop cat. He works in a workshop and he wears a reflective orange vest. It’s important to wear a vest so people can see you from far away. Ozzy knows the importance of workshop safety.
He also knows how to stand by an orange safety cone so everybody knows to be cautious around him. You can tell by the look on his face that this is one cat you don’t want to mess with.
Roger The Hospital Visitor
This is Roger Sterling the Cat. Yes he’s named after the Mad Men character. It’s Roger’s job to go into children’s hospitals and make sick children happy. Basically, he gets pet by kids all day.
I know, tough job. Most people pay to get massaged, but Roger gets paid to get massaged. He has a fancy name tag so everybody knows that he’s a cat on a mission. He’s here on official business.
An Excellent Electrician
This is Nicholas. He’s a registered electrician. It’s his job to swat around stray wires until they break and become useless. It’s a very important job because how else would we know that we need new wires?
He’s also good at chewing through phone chargers. If you have a phone charger that needs chewing, Nicholas is the cat for the job. He’s done a great job chewing all the chargers he’s chewed up to this point.
This is Luxe. He’s a black and white cat who sometimes gets tired of typing away on his keyboard all day long. Surfing the internet for memes is hard work. Luxe is basically a meme creator. All those cat memes you see on Instagram? That’s because of him. He makes those.
Ok, so he doesn’t make every cat meme on the internet, but he does look pretty cute next to this open laptop.
Restaurant Manager Cat
Hey look, it’s Wilbur again. Wilbur works as a comic book store owner during the day, but at night, he manages a fast food restaurant. Wilbur’s wife recently had a whole litter of kittens, so now he has to work two jobs to put cat food on the table.
He has a very attractive black and white tie because he means serious business. Dress for the job you want, you know?
Food Inspector Kitty
All food needs to be inspected at some point or another, and I know just the cat to do it. The is Leopold. He’s a long haired cat who knows a thing or two about the way a closed jar of peaches is supposed to smell. No impurities are going to get past his sharp nose.
This is a job that only a cat can do— or a dog, but we don’t need the dogs to know that. If they start working in this industry all the cats are going to be out of work.
Mayor Cat Of Alaska
This is Stubbs. He was the honorary mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska until his death in 2017. His duties included hanging at a nearby restaurant and drinking water laden with catnip out of a margarita glass. Residents may have seen him conducting top-secret government work while hitching a ride on a garbage truck.
Stubbs knows the importance of sacrifice. He lost his tail long ago. Or at least he’s missing it. But he knows how to live without a tail, making him an admirable and just mayor or Talkeetna.
The Award-Winning Pianist
This is Ketzel. His dad, Morris Cotel, was a professional pianist, which gave Ketzel some great practice for his famous piece. To compose this piece, Ketzel jumped on the piano keys on morning. It’s a skill that amateur pianists can only dream of accomplishing.
Cotel became inspired by Ketzel’s professional music skills, and submitted the piece to a Parisian music competition. It won. The judges didn’t know that a cat wrote it. But it doesn’t matter, because Ketzel is a genius award-winning pianist.
Prime Minister of Britain
This is Larry. Larry works hard as a British government Prime Minister. He protects the country from the dangers of mice. But Larry has given way to a couple scandals, such as slipping off to the next house to meet with a commoner lady cat.
Larry’s job may plummet if his mouse-hunting and sleeping skills drop. After all, taxpayers pay for his upkeep. Imperative upkeep that includes chairs to jump on and windowsills to stretch on.
Police Officer Keeps Crime At Bay
This is Lemon. He landed a police officer job as soon as he wandered into the door, obviously driven by his passion to serve his community. Although he started off giving traffic tickets like most police officers, he now combats the most heinous of crimes at Kyoto’s Yoro Station in Japan.
Can he write his own reports? No, but he has a nose built for sniffing out crime. Guns stand zero chance against Lemon’s vicious claws and his booming meow that he shouts as a warning.
School Crossing Guard Protects This Nation’s Youth
This is Sable. She has no time for your “a black cat crosses the road” jokes. She comes out everyday to ensure that students of Enterprise Middle School arrive safely. At fifteen years old, she’s still not retired. She believes in her job that much.
Sable discovered a more full-proof tactic to cross-guarding. She doesn’t need to hold a sign–she just needs to stand there and make drivers yell “AH! A black cat!!” and then slam the breaks for fear of bad luck. Pity that no one else thought of this method before.
Bandai’s Warehouse Guardian
This is Millie. She’s the hero that children may not see, but need. She guards the warehouse of Bandai in the UK. Valuable toys like Power Rangers and Transformers models must not be stolen. Other cats might gain a reputation as toy-stealing thugs, but not Millie. She works against the grain to break that awful stigma.
Millie can combat any thief by sitting on the toy box. Can’t steal it if a cat’s sitting on it, can you? Her tactics are impeccable, so you might as not even try entering the warehouse.
Operating Train Officer
This is Tama. Tama has always had a passion for trains, which is why she became a stationmaster at Wakayama electric rail station in Japan. She brought a new train-operating strategy to the station that involved a complex series of licking her paws–something the operators hadn’t even thought of.
Tama did so well that she was promoted to Operating Officer. She now has two assistants, who are also cats. Her assistants fetch her catnip and clean her litter box during her busy schedule. How do they clean her litter box? Don’t ask questions.
Ordained Minister Cat
Looking for an unbiased pastor? You may want to consider Sisco, or rather, Reverend Cassidy as church-goers know her. She is an ordained minister at the Universal Life Church. She gives tear-jerking wedding speeches like no other.
During her services, she falls asleep on the altar as onlookers gaze in amazement. All leave with a fuller understanding of the universe around them. “Reverend Cassidy handed me the wine,” one churchgoer said, “and I saw the souls of lost swirling within. It must’ve been Reverend Cassidy’s sermon.”
Professional Cricket Player
This is Brian. You can find him practicing at the Somerset County Cricket Club. He’s aiming to win the Wold Cricket League before his nine lives run out. It might not look like he’s doing anything, but if you peered into his mind, you’d be gobsmacked. His analyses of the sport far transcend any other cricket players.
You may wonder–how can he hold the ball? But a better question would be, why does he need to? If not for the dexterity of his paws, he could easily move the ball with only his mind. Such is Brian, a professional cricket athlete.
Diligent University Student
This is Pebbles. He attends the University of Essex and majors in philofurry. His motto is “If I fit, I sit,” which allows him to expand his broad range of talents to other classes and fields. How else could he ace Interpretive Dance 102 while managing MATH 1142, Theoretic Calculus?
When he’s not in lectures, he lounges in chairs by the campus lake. He also sleeps a lot–but not in class. Pebbles would never doze off during a lecture if he wanted to keep his 3.82 GPA going.
The Purest Of All Nuns
This is Tuna. She has devoted her life to celibacy. She has no credit card, no bank account, no fancy dresses. She spends her time in faith and prayer with the rest of the Catholic nuns.
Tuna will also direct Sunday classes when the pastor is out. She has become a favorite among young Christians for her beautiful rendition of “Glory and Purr to our God.” You may find her baking cat treats for the poor, which they all accept, even though most are not cats.
Personal Guard Of Winston Churchill
Guardians of the Churchill family have descended from generation to generation. The current in-home security is Jock VI. If the camera’s don’t catch any intrusion of the famous family, Jock will. His family line has passed down superb training that includes not meowing when someone walks in but meowing the moment they leave.
Jock VI will even help the family with household chores, such as licking Churchill’s bust clean, or falling asleep on the family’s tax reports when they’re literally due tomorrow. Who knows what would happen to the Churchill family without Jock?
Station Guard Cat
This is Felix. She knows that train stations in England can get pretty rough, after that incident with the birds in ’07. Since then, she’s poured herself into working security at the Huddersfield railway station.
Felix devotes her time to ensuring that all travelers feel safe and petted. On her free time she brings complex ideas to the game, as she ponders existential locomotive dilemmas that have haunted mankind for decades. Also, she chews on backpacks.
Started As An Undercat, Ended As A Model
This is Waffles. Waffles didn’t have a strong start in his diligent career to become a social media model. He always admired the toms he saw in Feline’s Health and Kitten’s Digest, but felt that he was ugly. Once he grew into himself, though, he began posing for the camera.
Since then, Waffles has appeared in magazines and even movies. He owes his success to both his tiny ears and “nwaaaaahhh.” A true gentleman, Waffles will continue to make queen’s swoon beyond the camera.
Homicide Detective Snowball
This is Snowball. He may look like an ordinary office worker, but he actually tackles one of the most disturbing and invigorating jobs known to man: homicide detective. Snowball works for the Royal Canadian police in getting down to the bottom of things.
Snowball can keep track of evidence better than anyone, as he leaves hairs where he looked before. No wasting time examining the same piece of evidence over and over. Snowball only moves one direction–forward, which makes it harder for him to pull off a u-turn.
Evil Genius Kitty
This is Mr. Bigglesworth. You wouldn’t want to mess with him, unless you happen to have one billionnnnnnnn dollars. Bigglesworth only has an eye for money, and he’ll do anything to get it. His dangerous Walther PPK/S pistol has had many quivering in shame.
No dogs will enter Mr. Bigglesworth’s lair, unless they wish for a fight. This would be unwise, because even though his muscles aren’t big, his brain more than makes up for his lack of fighting machismo.
Youtube Star Maru
This is Maru. He was inspired by the rise of Youtubers like Pewdiepie and decided to launch his own Youtube channel in 2008. He has an inventive take on the “lets play” genre that mainly features him jumping around in boxes.
Maru’s active personality, amusing commentary, and action-packed thrillers keep his viewers engaged. Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe for videos three days a week and donate some catfood on Patreon.
Electronic Music Composer
This is Fatso. Or at least, Fatso is his stage name when he’s pumping up the club with electronic beats. His music rangers from experimental classical EDM opera to traditional dance beats.
Fatso’s music has inspired several spinoff EDM composers, such as Scratchex, deadmeau, Garrix, and The PawLickers. Since his retirement, he has spent his time chewing at an armchair instead of the toy his parent bought for that exact purpose.
An Exciting Life As An Accountant
This is Mitzy. She’s just finishing up some quick calculations for her latest business partnership. She works as an accountant, which is phenomenal. She loves it. She can’t even lick her whiskers, that’s how long it’s taking. What a nine times for Mitzy for be alive.
Mitzy wouldn’t give up her job for anything. Especially not going back in time and getting a degree in oil painting, which is her true passion. She’d rather crunch numbers in the office like her dad pushed her to. Definitely worth the struggle. Yep.
This Publisher Needs Those Photos On His Desk ASAP
This is Jameson. He’s the publisher of the Daily Bugle who needs those photos on his desk by 5:30. He wants more pictures of Spiderman. He’s not sure how you’re getting all those, but the readers want more of it. He doesn’t have time for any delay!
You can find Jameson in his office only if you’re a photojournalist, and only if you can offer him more pictures of Spiderman. In meantime, bring him another cigar. A catnip cigar.